with it. I blame it on disney. We get married as a symbol of our
love to one person. But that is NOT the purpose of marriage...
has with us, and living in the world to express Christ's ultimate
future marriage to all humanity, then marrying someone because
you love them in that "special" way (ie: you want to have sex with
them, and are willing to buy them chocolates to do it) should really
have nothing to do with it. Now granted you should probably
"love" the person you marry, but I am not sure you should love
them anymore then anyone else. If the purpose of marriage is to be
a unified expression of love in the world, then your love for each
other in isolation will make the relationship impotent. Which is
why I think so many marriages fail today. We have conditioned
ourselves to believe in an individualistic based disney relationship
where physically attractive people should fall in love in and live
happily ever after alone in the woods.
With the advent of hyper-individuality (an aspect of post-
modernity) we want to express how physical attraction is
subjective, which causes us to focus even more deeply on how we
can uniquely fall in love with that guy who can kind of looks like a
wookie, but is hot in his own way. As a hyper-individualist myself I
get that, but even biblically speaking we have affirmations that
some people are more physically attractive then others, despite
obvious grey areas. However, we have become so obsessed with
individuality that we cannot even admit this anymore. Everyone
has to be physically beautiful in their own way.
With the advent of hyper-individuality (an aspect of post-
modernity) we want to express how physical attraction is
subjective, which causes us to focus even more deeply on how we
can uniquely fall in love with that guy who can kind of looks like a
wookie, but is hot in his own way. As a hyper-individualist myself I
get that, but even biblically speaking we have affirmations that
some people are more physically attractive then others, despite
obvious grey areas. However, we have become so obsessed with
individuality that we cannot even admit this anymore. Everyone
has to be physically beautiful in their own way.
People in Hollywood are beautiful But they can't stay married to
save their life. They are
save their life. They are
trapped in the tyranny of their own wills. This is becoming more
and more of a cultural norm. Yet I know many people from
different cultural backgrounds who are happy in semi-
arranged marriages (as in it was not forced, but a selection of
people were recommended that fit within the family's value
system) and I have often found them to be in happy and stable
relationships. Why do I think this is the case? Because their
relationship is not based on their own individuality, but is
outwardly focused on the values of their community and culture.
Now often times these marriages still have a little to much to do
with wealth and status then I am comfortable with, but the reality
still remains, when we focus outside ourselves and we
discover our relationships should never be about individual
happiness, but about how that relationship can bring goodness to
the community. Within in this line of thinking the relationship
itself naturally stabilizes and happiness is formed from the outside
in, never from the inside out.
That said I am being somewhat hypocritical, because if I ever do
get married, my wife will be physically attractive. But I am not
going to delude myself into thinking that this is somehow God's
plan. I do hope that he will show me grace in that we can in
some unified way, outwardly express the love of God in a manner
that will resonate with God's present and future telos.
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