Coming
out of this context, I was struck with the depth and significance
given of the Eucharist that was in other traditions. It is on this
background that I will address the practice of taking the Eucharist
at this church. How this was approached at church largely informed
how I think of grace and how God relates to us both despite, and due
to, the fact that Communion seemed to be a marginal practice. What
follows is my evaluation of what the practices meant, or rather, how
they manifested themselves to me. Without delving too far into my
pre-teen psyche, I will say that my experience with preparing to take
Communion was fraught with anxiety. It was generally frowned upon for
children to take part in Communion, although some families did allow
their children to do so. My parents were particularly insistent on
not taking Communion before you could fully understand what was going
on. This was part of an emphasis on internal preparation, and
‘readiness’ to come to the table. Turning thirteen allowed me to
understand what was really going on through Christ’s death on the
cross, however I had been barred from partaking for so long, I did
not know how to proceed now that I was allowed to truly remember. It
was remembrance that was emphasized, rather than any present grace or
future eschaton with the recitation of Luke 22:19 as the closest
manifestation of a liturgy. We took of the ‘bread and wine,’
manifested as crackers and grape juice (in individual cups), as what
was important was what they represented, rather than the elements
themselves. Lacking an overt explanation of why things were done as
such implied that there was no objective importance to what was done
– it was not tied into our larger experience as the church body or
historical narrative, rather our personal reflection on what Christ
did for us. Further, by focusing on remembrance there was
overwhelming emphasis on Christ’s death. We remember, and are
thankful for his sacrifice.
There was a strange degree of solemnity
for a purely symbolic observance. I am inclined to believe that the
fact that it was symbolic made it that much less accessible. This
emphasis on Christ’s sacrifice was reinforced through the most
important and most serious Communion service on Good Friday.
Throughout the year, Communion services were held once a month –
although not explicitly stated, I was impressed with the importance
of the service, with it only being once a month. It should not be
taken for granted, or become routine by having it more frequently.
The focus on Christ’s sacrifice, and thus his death for our sins
reinforced that we needed to acknowledge what this meant for us,
personally. The preamble before the monthly service was generally the
same, in talking about the importance of remembering Christ’s
sacrifice, and we ought to be sure to pay credence to the event of
the crucifixion, and remember the price paid for our forgiveness.
This seemed to undercut the grace given, as we were sure to feel the
appropriate amount of regret as payment for this gift of grace. The
operating paradigm was very much that of personal salvation.
Salvation primarily means that we are to be thankful to God for
forgiving our sins, because Jesus Christ sacrificed so much. We are
able to come to the table because we have asked for forgiveness.
There was a shift partway through my attendance of this church, from
being served in our seats through passing trays of crackers and the
juice (although they were still referred to as the bread and wine) to
having the elements stationed at the front of the sanctuary. This
move was made to represent our active choice to reach out to God and
His gift of salvation, as we had to move up to the front, rather than
passively receiving the elements in our seats.
The presentation
of Communion as something that someone must individually prepared
for, and individually partake in showed an incomplete picture of
God’s grace. Communion was both incidental to our faith, while at
the same time having almost unspeakable importance, in putting it off
until one could intellectually grasp what they were entering into.
This importance though was not explicitly named, and I would suggest
the gravity with which it was presented (in terms of truly
understanding Jesus’ sacrifice) tells only part of the story, and
is frankly a shadow of what the sacrament of the Eucharist is
supposed to be. I am largely in the reaction phase having stepped out
of this context, yet I do not want to paint this experience in a
wholly negative brush. There are certainly elements of this practice
that are important, however the practices enacted that they are
trying to avoid (ritualism, transubstantiation, etc.) are not such
that they must be so obviously side-stepped as to make Communion
hardly a sacrament.
The main elements that were distinctive of
this Communion service, or spoke directly to how this congregation
conceptualized God were that it was explicitly a symbolic gesture, it
was an act of remembrance, particularly remembering Christ’s
sacrifice, it was highly individualized and internalized. By not
framing a Communion service as sacramental, that is, not a means in
which God interacts with us in the physical world, it creates a
dualistic framework between spiritual reality and corporeal reality,
individual, inner salvation and the ongoing redemption of creation
through Christ. This individualized approach not only creates the
false dichotomy, but then relegates our salvation to the ‘spiritual
side.’ This lends itself to become a personalized experience, and
general conception of salvation. Communion is about your response to
God, rather than God’s active work in the world – or, simply
both. Our encounter of God’s grace does not precipitate at the
table itself, but rather in what occurs prior to the table. There is
no conceptual overlap through the consumption of the elements and the
reception of grace. We are closer to God because we have once again
come before him, and have acknowledged his sacrifice, not due to any
grace or effectual change that is a result of participating in the
Eucharist. There was dialogue of grace, and our reception of God’s
grace through Christ’s death and resurrection, but Communion was
not a culmination of this. Emphasizing personal preparation to come
to the table through reflection, repentance, and prayer makes the
elements an accessory – the work has been done. Although
approaching the table was explained to be a response to God’s
grace, there was still room left for coming improperly (unconfessed
sin, or ‘inadequate’ repentance). This is not to dismiss the
gravity of abusing the Eucharist, however this is generally warned
against due to the real substance that is present in the elements.
Having Communion as a symbolic, internal exercise reduces the
scope of what the Eucharist is meant to capture. Focusing on Christ’s
death and resurrection very much historically dates the touch point
of God’s grace. The Eucharist is indeed grounded in real events in
human history. However, when primarily manifested as an exercise of
reflection, this becomes limited to an event in the historical past,
rather than an event that has far-reaching (all-reaching, rather)
effects. Even more than ‘ripple effects,’ there is no ongoing
work that is equally grounded in human historical narrative. The
message of hope that is presented in this model of Communion is that
we have hope because we have been redeemed, but this is limited to
our present and past condition. It proclaims that Christ has died for
our sins, yet the scope of that message is stunted.
A
foundational principle in rhetoric of the sacraments, why they are
what they are, and their importance to the Church is that God
implemented them due to our creaturely nature and the difficulty that
comes with this. He gave us something physical to orient ourselves,
as we could not otherwise grasp spiritual principles. This may at
first seem to be a simplification of the human condition, or denying
the idea that we are both physical and spiritual; having physical
reminders is helpful, but without them we cannot begin to encounter
God? However, in a real way, we do indeed need physical reminders, as
is evidenced by what becomes of our sacraments when this reality is
ignored. Even more, we do not simply need physical reminders of
spiritual things, but an incarnational
model
of how God manifests himself in the world.
Regarding
the solemnity that surrounded a Communion service at this church (due
to the focus on personal sins, and Jesus’ death), there are
important theological impulses behind this, and though the practice
should not be limited to this focus, it does well to highlights the
difficulty of our sinful nature and how it is a real barrier to us
before God. It does not fully align with the symbolic nature of that
particular service of Communion, yet it is an aspect of salvation
that should not be glossed over; our brokenness is complete before
God. That said, this is grossly limited in terms of the story it
tells and stops short of the nuances of how this gap is bridged.
Focus on mental preparation places an undue burden on the receivers
of God’s grace. In this context the elements are not an
intermediary to God’s grace, but an expression of having already
been cleansed. In an ideal context this may not be as problematic as
it is often manifested: we remember, we are thankful for God’s
grace and come to the table. What makes this difficult to achieve in
many similar contexts is that Communion is primarily
framed
as remembrance, and thus an exercise in re-living the death of Christ
and the gravity of sin that brought it about. In this light, we do
indeed respond to God’s grace, but this is secondary. The largest
misappropriation of the elements in this context is that it
inadvertently paints a picture in which God receives us at his table
only once we have mentally and emotionally realized the beauty of his
grace.
Indeed,
God’s grace is sufficient, and grace itself is not transmitted
through the ingestion of the elements. Where this story stops short
is that we cannot actually be ready to come to the table in a
fundamental sense. That is, we do not make ourselves ready. The
message and function of the Eucharist is God’s coming to meet us,
rather than us preparing to meet God.
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